Fruene på Capitol Hill, Focus, Forgotten Suns, Flamborough Head og Forst Band From Outer Space

En komplisert komposisjonsform som kan sammenlignes med en kanon, fra barokken. Komposisjonen er laget for to eller flere stemmer, der et tema gjentas, imiteres og plasseres etter nærmest matematiske prinsipper. En av de store mestere innen fugeformen er J.S. Bach.

Fragile Vastness

A Tribute To Life

Every month or so, an evening in front of my computer, sees me ploughing through various websites and forums, to discover what bands are getting a positive vibe down in the metal underground. There are a lot of frustrating dead ends, but every so often, I hit a jackpot that makes all the fruitless surfing worthwhile. And this, the second album from the Greek Progressive band Fragile Vastness, stands as one of my biggest jackpots ever.

A Tribute To Life is a two-disc concept album that follows the last months of a man's life, after learning that he has cancer. Like many people, he doesn't realise what he's got until it's almost gone, and so he sells all his possessions, to satisfy his desire to travel and see the world beyond his television set.

The 17 tracks follow him on his journeys - both the geographical and the psychological ones - as he struggles towards the inevitability of the closing chapter of his life. The musical influences come and go, as he arrives and departs from various parts of the world. Equally, the emotion of the music changes, as he finds love, despair, anger and calm.

It sounds an ambitious project, but the twin journeys bring out the true strengths of this band. Fragile Vastness uses many worldly musical styles and borrows from many genres, to create a mesmerising and compelling piece of music.

In one way, A Tribute To Life is like a book. You need to set aside time and go through both discs and the two booklets to fully appreciate everything that's on offer. But equally, the songs can be enjoyed by themselves, without any further reference.

Around half the tracks are instrumentals and interludes, providing meaningful segments of the story and adding great variety and character to the album. However, it's the vocal songs that make this album what it is - and what great songs they are.

Space doesn't allow me to go into details, but overall, the foundation is clearly built on progressive metal. There are ever-changing moods and rhythms, top-notch musicianship, an abundance of heaviness mixed with lighter moments, and some crackingly addictive hooks.

Pain of Salvation is a common reference point, especially on the atmospheric Somewhere and the up-tempo I Want To Do Something That Matters. But there are plenty of more straightforward moments, like the anthemic, hard rock groove of From East To West and the bouncy Heart Of A Lion. Add into the mix, that cornucopia of world influences - Peruvian panpipes, flamenco and mariachi guitar, middle-eastern music, some salsa and even some R'n'B - and you have something really unique and special.

Vocalist George Ikosipentakis absolutely sings his heart out. The story demands that he is able to switch gears between screams and softer parts. It's a huge challenge, but one that he rises to perfectly.

There are no guitar or keyboard excesses going on here. Every note is played with meaning and has a purpose. Guitarist Alex Flouros is particularly outstanding in the way he is able to generate so many styles.

There are also a string of guest musicians to provide the specialist elements. It is rare to find a band prepared to go to such lengths - most rely on electronic imitation. But the end result here is amazing, adding a real authenticity and touch of class to the album. And it's all topped off with a production that allows every instrument, no matter how small a part, to be heard. One has to accept, that the sheer variety of the music may be off-putting for some. But, the way that everything fits so well into the concept and the sheer strength of all the individual songs, easily wins through.

Finally, one word of warning - the band's Greek-based record label is totally and utterly useless. You can supposedly order online from the label website - but if you live outside Greece, you have to email for postage costs. Three emails - no reply - no purchase.

The label website also states that its releases are distributed throughout Europe by EMI. The boss at my local store phoned the EMI's UK distribution head, and they've no record of the band or label. Even more worryingly, Sleaszy seems to have no distribution through online stores or even specialist metal retailers. Of the 20 or so stores I tried, only one German specialist stocked this album - but would not accept payment from the UK!! I finally tracked down a copy from American specialist label Laser CD. Around £14, with postage, will get you a copy flown over in a few days. Thankfully, it has proved to be more than worth the effort. A Tribute to Life is an album that delivers so many goods, in such a comprehensive way. It is a true rarity. I seriously can not recommend this enough.

Disc 1: Where Everything Began (4:23), Maya's Diary (2:26), Somewhere (5:32), Ya Va Illegando El Dia (5:47), From East To West (6:27), Failte Rombat A Chara (3:42), Love And Loss (5:51), Help (2:19), The Sun Shines For All Of Us (4:07)

Disc 2: Heart Of A Lion (4:28), Gaia (4:36), Renaissance (6:31), I Want To Do Something That Matters (5:09), Going Down (3:00), Coma (4:34), Don't Wake Me Up Till I'm Dead (3:28) Maya (0:06)

Fugazi

Band med klare holdninger

Gjennom hele sin eksistens har bandet vært preget av en gjør-det-selv-holdning. De har gitt ut platene sine på Dischord Records og avslått flere tilbud fra store selskaper av prinsippielle årsaker, de lager ikke effekter, de krever at konsertarrangører skal holde en lav inngangspris, og de spiller ikke konserter der det er aldersgrense. De nekter også å la seg intervjue av blader som har reklame for alkohol og/eller tobakk. I motsetning til mange andre hardcore-band har Fugazi også en policy på å slå ned på brutal oppførsel blant publikum på dansegulvet, såkalt slam-dance. Denne filosofien har også vist seg på andre måter, blant annet har bandet stilt opp for en rekke ulike formål. Fugazi har siden 2002 hatt en pause.

Musikalsk har Fugazi hatt relativt stor betydning innen hardcore-scenen. Bandet var fra begynnelsen av både preget av og en premissleverandør for emo-hardcore. Bandets lydbilde har også gjennom hele karrieren vært preget av ulike støybilder og markante brudd mellom støyende og rolige partier. Fugazi har også hentet impulser fra andre musikkstiler, som funk, reggae og jazz, selv om hardcoren har ligget til grunn hele veien. Det er imidlertid en klar utvikling å spore gjennom bandets utgivelser, der de har blitt stadig mer eksperimentielle. De fleste tekstene til Fugazi er forholdsvis politiske, men det er også mulig å merke en forskjell på tekstene til de ulike tekstforfatterne.

It is a bad thing to judge too hastily. Forming a good opinion takes time, so in order to be able to write a well informed review more than just two or three spins are required. I mention this at the start of this review because a couple of weeks ago Barefoot & Naked would not have received a very high rating. The music just did not sink in. Sure, there was an appreciation for the voice of Biejanka, Mario's guitar, Jan's bass, Pi's drums and Job's keys but much more than a "good job, good craftsmanship" would not have been given.

Things are so much different now, weeks later. Of course it is a known fact that good albums need some time to grow on you. Well measured through that standard this is a good album. With a very unique style: progressive rock mixed with melodic metal. Kind of The Gathering (current style) meets Redemption. It is not only the music but also the vocals of Biejanka that make Feed Forward have a unique own sound. Contrary to some other female fronted metal bands Biejanka does not sing opera, she sings rock songs (a bit like The Gathering's Anneke Van Gierbergen)

The guitar work on this album is really standing out: most of the tracks on this album have a high number of riffs and melody line to keep you attention. Some of the tracks might be a little complex but these riffs and melodies are always to build up to song. It might be that complexity that makes more than a few spins needed to fully appreciate the music of Feed Forward. But like always with music like this: once the clicked is there it is hard to image how it was before that. Returning to this album has been a pleasure every single time and every time something new was discovered.

The highlights of this album are the tracks: Fade Away, that starts off with nice haunting keyboards, which throughout the complete album, are supporting the music but also have some impressive solos here and there. The cascading loops of the guitars are very catchy, the voice of Biejanka impresses immediately. Then there is Run The Race which starts of with a bass loop that keeps up through the complete track.. 143 has a bit of an odd asynchronous edge that makes it very original Before I Leave again for cascading guitar loops. And last but not least: Silent a track with a very haunting feel, good keyboards, and Biejanka's voice a bit back in the mix. Again great guitar riffs. (It might be important to note that all the guitar riffs on the album are very melodic but never become showing off.)

There is not much discussion on the internet about Feed Forward and that indicates that the band is flying below everyone's radar. That is a pity because they deserve a place in the spot lights. Barefoot and Naked is a noteworthy album that comes recommended.

Tracklist: Fade Away (6:22), Run The Race (5:11), Crossing The Line (8:28), Innocence (5:48), 143 (4:36) ,Our Sky [For One Time] (2:39), Before I Leave (5:59), Silent (4:50), Moving (7:35), Stop To Think (7:22)

Following on from their superb third CD Fortunate Observer Of Time, this live double CD (in a nice digi-pack with plenty of good live photos) more accurately documents the band’s roots and raison d’etre, showcasing their considerable chops as a hot but also very cool jamming, fusion combo with eclectic influences. The symphonic progressive style of the last CD is still present here, but is merely one facet of a truly fascinating musical panorama.

The Café’s beginnings as a Zappa tribute act clearly shine through, as evidenced on the tightly arranged and compelling Il Gioco, or the feisty opener Leave Of Absinthe which surely would please fans of The Dixie Dregs, Mike Keneally or even Phish.

Space Dust and Gagutz are a couple of straight-ish fusion workouts where violins and electric pianos rule the roost. Personally, I am a big fan of this kind of fusion – Mahavishnu / Ponty etc. – and Frogg Café add extra spice with a splash of funk and out-front brass instruments.

Creatures is a creature (ahem) of a different stripe , being vocal prog rock which nods towards Kansas, but still featuring splashes of brass – Echolyn also flits into view at times. The tune builds in power as it goes on and there’s a jazz interlude later on before the song seamlessly segues into You’re Still Sleeping. It’s superb stuff.

Opening Disc Two, Small Chuwawa is a Zappa inflected vocal parody with a lurching reggae beat. Another delicious violin feature here too. Fat Guys In Shorts is all organ swells and searing violin –in short, a terrific jam.

Mournful brass ushers in Abyss Of Dissension a 14 minute epic song (from the Fortunate Observer disc) which, in its later stages, skilfully blends sympho prog with brass instruments for a modern prog which one might easily imagine Gentle Giant creating had they carried on and rediscovered their creativity after their misjudged commercial phase at the end of the 70’s.

I’ve merely scratched the surface of the many delights this Live set contains, so there’ll be plenty of surprises in store for you when you get to hear it all. Compiled from various live performances (including The Orion Studios Baltimore Progressive Rock Showcase and 2005’s Nearfest) and also intertwined with live in the studio jams, the Diaries nevertheless have a remarkably cohesive feel and flow, representing an idealised Frogg Café concert.

Anyone who has the opportunity to catch the band live should do so without hesitation, but for the rest of us, this is an excellent addition to any prog/fusion collection, and also has crossover potential to fans of the jam band scene too. Get it soon!

Disc One: Leave Of Absinthe (8:24), Space Dust (8:38), Gagutz (11:17), Candy Korn (12:17), Il Gioco (5:17), Creatures (10:57), You’re Still Sleeping (13:31)

Disc Two: Small Chuwawa (10:18), Fat Guys In Shorts (8:35), Abyss Of Dissension (14:18), Tagliarini (10:11), The Gold Ambler (6:30), Asleep On The Rim (8:17), Cut & Run (7:57)

Forbud er sunt året rundt?

Advokat Espen Tøndel i advokatfirmaet Simonsen har som spesialområde å forfølge fildelere og pirater. Vi har forelagt ham noen problemstillinger der de fleste av oss vil være i tvil.

Jeg kjøper en plate, men kan ikke finne den i den store samlingen min. Jeg faller for fristelsen til å laste den ned gratis i stedet. Ulovlig?

Helt klart, ja. Det er forbudt og straffbart å laste ned fra ulovlig kilde. At du også eier et lovlig eksemplar, endrer ikke dette.

Jeg har kjøpt en plate, og ønsker å overføre den til iTunes eller annet PC-program for avspilling via nettverk. Siden det tar lengre tid å ”rippe” den fra original-CDen enn å laste den ned, velger jeg å laste den ned gratis. Ulovlig?

Jeg har kjøpt en mengde musikkfiler via iTunes, men ønsker å spille dem på Microsofts programvare. For å kunne gjøre dette, må jeg bryte kopisikringen og legge filene over i et annet, åpent format. Ulovlig?

Ja, å omgå kopisikring er ikke lov. Verktøyet og/eller formålet er uten betydning. Du har derimot lov til å brenne en CD.

Jeg legger hele platesamlingen min på en stor harddisk og inviterer alle mine venner til å logge seg inn for å hente hva de vil. Ulovlig?

Så lenge bare dine nære, personlige venner og ingen kollegaer, bekjente eller utenforstående gis adgang, er det greit.

Jeg har en platesamling som teller tusenvis av titler. Mange av platene er kopiert fra venner. Jeg legger alt sammen over på harddisken, og mister oversikten over hva som er kjøpt og hva som er kopiert (det er ingen måte å se dette på). Vil jeg kunne mistenkes for piratkopiering i stor stil?

Ja. Manglende oversikt er ingen unnskyldning. Men selvsagt gjelder beviskravet her som ellers.

Det viser seg at flere av mine venner er knyttet opp mot større nettverk der i prinsippet alle har adgang. Gjennom disse nettverkene gjør de min musikk tilgjengelig for hele verden. Har jeg et ansvar?

Ja, du kan bli tiltalt for medvirkning. I hvert fall dersom det er grunn til å tro at du har visst om det, eller burde ha visst det.

Jeg kjøper en DVD-plate i USA, men får ikke spilt den på en norsk DVD-spiller. For å få spilt den bryter jeg kopisikringen og sonerestriksjonen via PCen min, og lager en kopi som er spillbar i Norge. Ulovlig?

Ja. Igjen er det forbudt å omgå slike kopisperrer, uansett hva formålet er. Sonekontrollen er ikke en kopisperre så hva du gjør med den kan ikke påtales med utgangspunkt i åndsverkloven.

Blu-ray-spilleren min slutter å virke fordi jeg uforvarende har prøvd å spille en piratkopi av en film. Jeg bruker en ulovlig universalnøkkel jeg har funnet på nettet for å låse opp spilleren min igjen, slik at jeg kan spille lovlig film igjen. Ulovlig?

Ja. Om noe er galt med utstyr du har kjøpt, leverer du den tilbake i butikken som reklamasjon eller garantisak. Men du har ikke anledning til å omgå kopisperrer, heller ikke i utstyret du bruker til å spille av.

Jeg har ikke sikret det trådløse nettverket mitt. Naboen bruker dermed min IP-adresse for å laste opp og ned film ulovlig. Kan jeg blir straffet for dette? (På piratenes fora gis det rådet at man ikke sikrer nettet – nettopp på grunn av at man da gjør det vanskeligere å bevise at det var du som lastet ned/opp).

Dette kan jeg ikke svare på rett over bordet. Problemstillingen er ny for meg. Utgangspunktet er at uaktsom medvirkning er straffbart.

Dersom en gjeng med musikkentusiaster velger å organisere seg i en nettbasert byttesentral (der du ikke kan ta ut mer enn du legger inn), vil dette være ulovlig? Er det ikke i prinsippet det samme som platemessene på Rockefeller, der folk bytter plater?

Bytteretten etter åndsverkloven gjelder bare de fysiske eksemplar (plater, kassetter og CD-er) du har kjøpt og forutsetter at byttingen ikke drives som organisert virksomhet. Bytteretten gjelder ikke kopier av slike kjøpte eksemplar, og heller ikke musikk som er kjøpt og nedlastet på Internett.

Ja, det er ulovlig. Retten etter åndsverkloven til å selge/kjøpe brukt musikk gjelder ikke musikk som er kjøpt og nedlastet på Internett. Det er heller ikke lov å selge/kjøpe musikk på nettet i filformat som er rippet fra fysiske eksemplar (plater, kassetter eller CD-er). Retten til å selge/kjøpe brukt musikk gjelder bare selve det fysiske eksemplaret som i sin tid ble kjøpt.

50 verste låter

Akkurat hva som er tidenes verste låter er jo selvsagt basert på smak og behag osv. Musikkmagasinet Blender` s journalister har lagt hodene i bløt og kommet opp med et forslag. Vi vil tro at bladsmørerkollektivet har hatt noen herlig stunder på veien mot å sette sammen en slik liste. Det er jo slik at å nyte god musikk er et privilegium. Tidvis er det like herlig å fråtse i de mest nedsettende betegnelser, og skikkelig fortelele heel verden hvor mye visse låter stinker. Uansett så er det mye morsom lesning her, og noen låter som etetr vår smak ikke høre hjemme på listen, men døm slev. Bon appetitt:

50
CÉLINE DION
“My Heart Will Go On” 1998
And on and on and on…

Lop off all but the first 20 seconds of this monster ballad, and it still merits a slot on this list for the unconscionable crime of adding pan-flute solos to the pop lexicon. But it doesn’t stop there: With a voice full of ornamental quivers and trembles, Canadian dynamo Céline Dion pushes arena-size schmaltz into the red, first cutting her syllables preciously short, then strangling each one out. Never has a song about all-consuming love sounded so trivial and been so inescapable — it powered the Titanic soundtrack to a year-topping 10 million copies sold, and made millions more pray that an iceberg would somehow hit Dion.

Worst Moment The third chorus, where she goes from soft to eye-bleedingly loud.

49
RIGHT SAID FRED
“I’m Too Sexy” 1992
The answer to Spinal Tap’s question “What’s wrong with being sexy?”

Right Said Fred were horrible, bald novelty Brits whose one claim to fame was a song that announced that they were “too sexy” for most things, from “New York” to “my cat.” Alas, singer Richard Fairbrass resembled Midnight Oil’s Peter Garrett, and was therefore “too sexy” for precisely nothing. The song spawned a welter of grating catchphrases starting with “I’m too sexy” repeated endlessly by annoying people: “I’m too sexy for my tractor,” etc. Disturbingly, the Freds, as nobody calls them, are still going.

Worst Moment The so-called chorus, in which, instead of mumbling, Fairbrass tries to sing. Stop it. Stop it now!

48
THE BEATLES
“Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” 1968
You can practically hear them gritting their teeth

The Beatles proved conclusively that there were two things they could not do: play reggae and feign enjoyment. “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” was a ska track recorded at a point during the White Album sessions when the Beatles would happily have beaten one another to death if only they had had some clubs on hand. As a result, this sounds less like reggae than the desperately chirpy songs Cockneys used to sing to keep their spirits up while the Luftwaffe rained death on them during the Blitz.

Worst Moment The woefully unconvincing laughter in the final line: “If you want some fun — heh-heh-heh-heh! — take ob-la-di-bla-da!”

47
BRYAN ADAMS
“The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You” 1996
It’s Great-Uncle Disgusting — from Canada!

When Adams chose to do sexy after 15 years of chaste, aw-shucks rockin’, even his fans were stunned — as if they’d just seen a stag film starring Richie Cunningham. “I don’t look good in no Armani suits,” he leered in the song’s only believable moment, before suggesting he’d rather “wear” the song’s female protagonist over a blues riff like someone explaining ZZ Top to an accountant. This wasn’t the creepiest track off his album 18 Til I Die; that accolade goes to a song called “(I Wanna Be) Your Underwear.”

Worst Moment “…There’s only one thing that fits me like it should.” Ick.

46
NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK
“Hangin’ Tough” 1989
Boy-band blueprint!

It sucked the Swing out of New Jack, bleached the Blues out of Rhythm &, and featured white boys calling themselves “funky” despite some very unfunky denim vests. This Boston quintet triggered a hormonal rush among 13-year-old girls and intense confusion among their boyfriends, and paved the way for megaselling boy bands who ran low on talent and high on dumb hats. This 1988 hit was all crossed arms and scowls, but the tuff-guy routine didn’t gel: These nancy boys make the Sharks and Jets look like G-Unit.

Worst Moment The boys warn: “Don’t cross our path or you’re gonna get stomped!” Scary!

45
JA RULE FEAT. ASHANTI
“Mesmerize” 2002
The most hated man in hip-hop — for good reason!

Many rappers sing poorly, but none as irritatingly as Jeffrey Atkins. In 2001, he went from a raise-da-roof club grunter who treated women like car doors to a tone-deaf warbler who swore he worshiped them — and cried in his videos to prove it. On this 2002 duet with the reliably transparent Ashanti, he can’t contain his horny side, repeating a cracked-voiced mantra about “Your lips/Your smile/Your hips/Those thighs” and admitting his “fetish for fucking you with your skirt on.” Gains points for honesty; loses many more for coming off like an ogling doofus.

Worst Moment The two-note chorus, which is a laundry list of female body parts.

44
MEAT LOAF
“I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” 1993
Bitch-titted balladeer seeks dictionary

Forget that this song comes from Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell and that pop albums can’t really have sequels. Forget that it’s 12 minutes — and crammed with pianos, choirs and every over-the-top adornment that producer Jim Steinman could get his hands on, it feels twice that length. No, this epic chunk of histrionics’ worst offense is that it doesn’t make any sense. You wouldn’t do what, exactly? It’s OK for rock songs to be dumb. But not stupid.

Worst Moment Shamelessly aping “Paradise by the Dashboard Light,” the boy-girl duet kicks in at around the nine-minute mark.

43
UNCLE KRACKER
“Follow Me” 2000
Sleaze-rap DJ goes solo, blows like Hootie

Breaking out on his own, the leading light of Kid Rock’s “Detroit playas” reneges on his boss’s promise to “cause chaos” and “rock like Amadeus.” He does, however, cause nausea and rock like Muzak with his nobody-saw-it-coming lite-FM stylings, hummin’, strummin’ and practically promisin’ to tuck you in at night. The unexpected bonus? It gives hope to everyone awaiting the Terminator X collection of Air Supply covers.

Worst Moment Knowing every rhyme before it happens — the first time you hear the song.

42
SIMON & GARFUNKEL
“The Sounds of Silence” 1965
If Frasier Crane were a song, he would sound like this

From the terrible opening line, in which darkness is addressed as “my old friend,” the lyrics of “The Sounds of Silence” sound like a vicious parody of a pompous and pretentious mid-’60s folk singer. But it’s no joke: While a rock band twangs aimlessly in the middle distance, Simon & Garfunkel thunder away in voices that suggest they’re scowling and wagging their fingers as they sing. The overall experience is like being lectured on the meaning of life by a jumped-up freshman.

Worst Moment “Hear my words that I might teach you”: Officially the most self-important line in rock history!

41
BILLY JOEL
“We Didn’t Start the Fire” 1989
Can you fit a cultural history of the twentieth century into four minutes? Uh, no

Despite its bombastic production, “We Didn’t Start the Fire” resembles a term paper scribbled the night before it’s due. As the song progresses, Joel audibly realizes he can’t cram it all in: The ’70s get four bellowed words amid the widdly-woo guitars and meet-thy-maker drums. The chorus denies responsibility for any events mentioned, clearing up the common misconception that Billy Joel developed the H-bomb.

Worst Moment “China’s under martial law, rock & roller cola wars!”: No way does conflating Tiananmen Square with Michael Jackson selling Pepsi trivialize a massacre.

40
COLOR ME BADD
“I Wanna Sex You Up” 1991
Small-penis alert!

These Oklahoma R&B smoothies looked like rejects from a Benetton ad and sounded like flunkies from the Keith Sweat School of Horny Jamz. This is one long string of fake falsetto moans — there’s more heat in an Herbal Essences commercial — and the imagery ranges from perplexing (“We can do it till we both wake up”) to downright unpleasant (“Makin’ love until we drown”). Not recommended for the bedroom, unless your bedroom also features leopard-print picture frames, mirrored ceilings and a five-gallon tub of Astroglide from Costco.

Worst Moment Toward the end, la-la-la’s creep in under whispered phrases like “Lay back and enjoy the ride.”

39
RICKY MARTIN
“She Bangs” 2000
La vida proves not to be so loca after all

The arrangers of Ricky Martin’s follow-up to “La Vida Loca” worked with the fevered desperation of men who had been driven to the desert and made to dig their own graves at gunpoint: first with the hooting 180-piece horn section, then the percussion played by a crateful of ADD-afflicted chimpanzees, and — finally, in a last-ditch effort at the fade — a male chorus as numerous and frenzied as the Red Army Choir let loose in a Cuban whorehouse. The ingredients of its epic predecessor are all here — but it’s all wrong, and worse still, unintentionally hilarious.

Worst Moment “She looks like a flower but she stings like a bee/Like every girl in his-to-ry!”

38
REDNEX
“Cotton Eye Joe” 1995
Just what the world needed: a Swedish techno-bluegrass crossover

Novelty European techno is not a genre noted for its multitude of artistic high points, but “Cotton Eye Joe” may well be its nadir. A Country & Western record made by people who evidently hate C&W music with every fiber of their being, it layers a thumping beat with every hillbilly cliché known to man — twanging Jew’s harp, people shouting “yee-haw!”, bluegrass banjo, horses neighing — and then tops it off with a vocalist singing in what may be the most risible American accent ever committed to tape.

Worst Moment Rednex have spent more weeks at number 1 in Germany than any other artist of the last 25 years.

37
GERARDO
“Rico Suave” 1991
He was Vanilla Ice for the Telemundo set

Long before Ricky Martin lived la vida loca, another fleet-footed, sexually ambiguous Latino star crossed over to pop-chart glory by turning an otherwise forgettable dance-pop tune into a ubiquitous and dreaded catchphrase. In the verses, this Don Juan in a bandanna boasted about his insatiable libido over a cheesy Casiotone beat, but it’s the chorus that really sticks in our cabeza: Reeeeeeeco. Suuaaaaaave. No es bueno.

Worst Moment Nothing brings a dance floor to a screeching halt like the line “I’m used to good ol’-fashioned homestyle Spanish cooking/If I try that, I’ll be puking.”

36
MASTER P FEAT. SILKK, FIEND, MIA-X AND MYSTIKAL
“Make Em Say Uhh!” 1998
Cristal meets constipation!

A lot of ideas occur to people in the shower, but the hook for this Dirty South smash sounds as though someone thought it up on the toilet during a strenuous bowel movement: Master P and a small army of cronies groan “Unnngghhh” no fewer than 25 (!) times here. Rapping, P mumbles, falls behind an already wooden beat and is generally trounced by the phenomenally speedy Mystikal, who tries to pump some crunk back into the sinking ship with an eleventh-hour guest verse.

Worst Moment Each hook, which sounds like the “before” section of an Ex-Lax ad.

35
R.E.M.
“Shiny Happy People” 1991
What were they thinking?

It’s difficult to imagine the circumstances that led R.E.M. — intelligent, literate, subtle even when rocking out — to record this. Not only is “Shiny Happy People” an annoying song, but you also get the distinct sense that it’s going out of its way to annoy you. What other explanation is there for its riff — which sounds like a cellphone ring tone chosen by a sociopath — or its lyrics, which resemble something you would force children to learn as a punishment, or the backing vocals of B-52 Kate Pierson, which defy rational description?

Worst Moment “Throw your love around, take it into town, put it in the ground, where the flowers grow.”

34
DAN FOGELBERG
“Longer” 1979
Dear Mr. Fogelberg: Why not consider a stage name?

Having trouble placing this song? Imagine you’re in a dentist’s chair with a 10-inch steel drill about to bore into your molars when this Muzak classic pipes in through the office speakers. The singer sounds like he could be your patchouli-scented sixth-grade history teacher, whispering politely about being in love with you longer than there have been fish in the ocean, higher than any bird ever flew. Then the violins kick in. Then you pray for the sweet, sweet relief of the drill.

Worst Moment Any musician who uses the phrase forest primeval with a straight face must be stopped.

33
AQUA
“Barbie Girl” 1997
Scandi-wegian pedo-pop alert! Erk!

Brilliant idea: Take a child’s toy, turn it into a twisted sexual fantasy (“Kiss me here, touch me there”), set it to teeth-rotting synth-pop like a robot pony kicking children to death and hawk it like Happy Meals to the under-13s. Perhaps the gambit sounded acceptable in helium-huffing singer Lene Nystrøm’s native Norwegian, but in English it’s just plain wrong. Barbie manufacturer Mattel sued, but that didn’t stop “Barbie Girl” from casting a blight on 1997. One question sprang to mind if you were unlucky enough to catch the video: Weren’t they a little old to be doing this?

Worst Moment “Rapper” René Dif’s basso profundo “Come on, Barbie, let’s go party.”

32
WILL SMITH
“Will 2K” 1999
On New Year’s Eve, the Fresh Prince drops the ball

In 1999, the incoming millennium sent most rappers into doomsday mode, but not Will Smith. He was writing a celebration jam so wildly dorky it makes your local bar mitzvah DJ look like a member of the Strokes. Having jumped from ’hood to Hollywood, Smith can’t make the return trip: His overearnest, G-rated rhymes about fun bob along to an unlikely “Rock the Casbah” sample — you can practically see Joe Strummer wondering if he came to the right party and inching toward the exit.

Worst Moment In the running for the Worst Pun Ever award, Smith raps, “The new millennium — excuse me, Will-ennium.”

31
CRASH TEST DUMMIES
“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” 1994
The worst hum in music ever

You know that jerk at your office who can burp the alphabet? That’s the way Brad Roberts sings. On this 1994 single, his voice is a ludicrously bassy croak as he narrates supposed “slice-of-life” stories that land with a dull thud: A car hits one kid and turns his hair white; another’s covered in birthmarks; the last has genuflecting, churchgoing parents. Sure, white hair’s weird and evangelicals are weirder, but why are you telling us this? Moreover, why do you insist on humming the chorus? You sound like E.T. crossed with Barry White, dude!

Worst Moment Any time Roberts sings a vowel.

30
WHITNEY HOUSTON
“Greatest Love Of All” 1986
“Sexual chocolate!”

Immortalized by Eddie Murphy’s lascivious funk band in Coming to America, this heartrending über-ballad is still best known as Whitney Houston’s career zenith, before the marriage and the drugs took hold. Backed by a piano and what may or may not be a high-school symphony, Whit is at her proto-Mariah overexuding best, belting out platitudes about the joys of loving oneself above all others. Truly an anthem for the ’80s.

Worst Moment Picture a whacked-out Whitney and Bobby staggering through Israel in his-n’-hers prayer robes, then listen to the climactic line, “They can’t take away my dignity.”

29
DEEP BLUE SOMETHING
“Breakfast At Tiffany’s” 1995
So bland, you can actually forget you’re listening to music while it’s playing

Less a song than an experiment to see how mundane college rock can become before it ceases to exist altogether. Texas’s Deep Blue Something matched frantic acoustic guitars to a perky melody and a lyric that re-creates the experience of being cornered at a party by a stranger who insists on telling you his romantic problems in excruciating detail: “So I said.…She said.…And I said.…”

Worst Moment Has there ever been a more boring line in a song than “And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it?”

28
JOHN MAYER
“Your Body is a Wonderland” 2001
Get this man a cold shower

“Ohhh,” the women of the world sigh, “why can’t I just find a nice guy — you know, someone who’ll compare my breasts to a theme park?” Yearn no more, ladies! Drool never sounded as sweet as it does on this slow-stirred ode to daytime sex — but even from the otherwise charming Mayer, it’s still drool. What’s more, sunny acoustic guitars belie some creepy undertones: When Mayer rasps “Discover me discovering you” and “I’ll use my hands,” it sounds as though he’s sitting in a dark room, playing pocket pool to a camera he planted in the women’s lavatory.

Worst Moment Mayer describes the “deep sea of blankets” on his bed. Ewww!

27
EUROPE
“The Final Countdown” 1987
The worst thing to come from both the band and the continent itself

Eschewing such traditional hair-metal concerns as girl-chasing and “steel horse”–riding, this Rocky 4 theme from the poodle-permed Swedes found frontman Joey Tempest announcing that he was off to Venus, “ ’cause maybe they’ve seen us!” — proof that English lyrics are best written by people with a working knowledge of the language. Tempest’s nonsensical caterwauling was backed by music that somehow managed to be fascist in its bombast yet also coma-inducingly dull.

Worst Moment The synth trills remind us that before they were a crappy metal band, Europe were a crappy prog-rock band.

26
THE DOORS
“The End” 1967
The most pretentious rock star’s most pretentious song

Bombastic? Lugubrious? Sounds like it was recorded in a large metal shipping container and mixed by drunks? It must be a Doors song! Painful in so many ways, “The End,” for starters, has none. (OK, it’s 11 minutes and 45 seconds long.) Over anemic jazz noodling, Jim Morrison intones lyrics that would make the kid wearing the pentagram T-shirt in the back row of homeroom blush with shame. For example: “Father…I want to kill you/Mother…I want to unh-grblgrauauauauaugh!”

Worst Moment According to online lyrics guides, that last vocal eruption actually contains the words that constitute the most appropriate response to the song: Fuck you.

25
PUFF DADDY FEAT. FAITH EVANS AND 112
“I’ll Be Missing You” 1997
…and your platinum-selling albums. Sob!

A little over three months after the tragic shooting of his best friend, the Notorious B.I.G., a distraught Puffy Combs channeled his grief into “I’ll Be Missing You,” a nauseating brew of gloopy sentimentality and strategic-marketing mawkishness. Opportunistic? Perhaps. But how very therapeutic it must have been for Puffy to have this memorial to his departed chum spend 11 weeks at number 1.

Worst Moment The mumbling insincerity of the spoken-word intro: “I saw your son today.…He looked just like you.”

24
FIVE FOR FIGHTING
“Superman” 2000
Musical kryptonite

In the chaotic days following 9/11, people were grasping at whatever they could find for comfort. But perhaps nothing shows how out of sorts America was than the ascendance of this turgid ballad by once-and-future-unknown John Ondrasik as this grieving nation’s unofficial anthem. Maybe it was the sensitive-guy lyrics (“Even heroes have the right to bleed”) delivered over Billy Joel–lite piano noodling that soothed America’s frazzled nerves. But if this man is allowed to continue recording, then surely the terrorists have won.

Worst Moment Those falsetto notes in the chorus are enough to bring Osama bin Laden and Lex Luthor to their knees.

23
COREY HART
“Sunglasses At Night” 1984
If you look up one-hit wonder in the dictionary, this is what you’ll find

Over a keyboard riff that sounds more than a little like that of “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This),” the brooding Quebecois Hart mugged worse than Derek Zoolander as he extolled the virtues of going incognito. With its lack of anything resembling a human being playing an instrument, this is disposable synth-pop at its most bubblegum.

Worst Moment The chorus, in which Hart warns, “Don’t switch a blade on the guy in shades, oh, no,” was an attempt at tough-guy posing, but it made him sound like the musical equivalent of Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club. That is, not very tough at all.

22
TOBY KEITH
“Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” 2002
Oklahoma redneck runs for office on Hate ticket

Outraged by the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Toby Keith enlisted in the Air Force — no, sorry, he wrote a fight anthem so vengeful, it makes “The Star-Spangled Banner” sound like “Give Peace a Chance.” Though right-wing radio hosts and politicians called him a hero, Keith (who hadn’t had a hit in years) moaned, “It sucks ass that I have to defend myself for being patriotic.” Wrong. You have to defend yourself for celebrating violence and bloodlust.

Worst Moment“We’ll put a boot in your ass; it’s the American way,” Keith sings, mistaking revenge for ideals of liberty.

21
SPIN DOCTORS
“Two Princes” 1992
This is what happens when jam bands go pop

It’s obviously unfair to dislike a song because of the appearance of the band that recorded it. Yet the very sound of “Two Princes” evokes the way the Spin Doctors looked. With its riff repeated long past endurance, dopey lyrics and abominable vocal scatting, it could only have been the work of scrabbly beared, questionably hatted, red-eyed stoners staggering out of the rehearsal room convinced they have discovered the missing link between grunge, the Grateful Dead and Jamiroquai — blissfully unaware that no one in his right mind was looking for that in the first place.

Worst Moment “Dit-dit-dit! Dit-dit-dit-a-dobba-dobba-dobba dobba!”

20
LIONEL RICHIE
“Dancing On The Ceiling” 1986
The world’s least convincing party song

Sounding suspiciously as if it was written in order to fit a video treatment rather than the other way around, this dispiritingly unfunky celebration appears literally to be about dancing on a ceiling — “People starting to climb the walls.…The only thing we want to do tonight is go round and round and turn upside down.” Even more troubling is the thought that in the ’80s, this rancidly thin stew of AOR dynamics and curiously Rick Wakeman–ish keyboards was Motown’s idea of a hot party record.

Worst Moment The fake party ambience, clearly the work of bored studio employees forced to whoop and cheer.

19
MR. MISTER
“Broken Wings” 1985
The thoroughly nasty sound of yuppie angst

“Broken Wings” is primarily annoying not for its anodyne mid-’80s production, nor for its lyrics, which make its central protagonist sound like someone you would seek a restraining order against (“You’re half of the flesh, and blood makes me whole,” he sings, reaching for the duct tape and the nail gun). It’s primarily annoying because it’s a four-minute intro with no song attached. When the booming drums finally kick in, they announce the arrival not of a fantastic chorus or an epic finale, but the greatest anticlimax in pop, featuring what can only be described as a synth bass solo.

Worst Moment The synth bass solo.

18
CHICAGO
“You’re the Inspiration” 1984
And you thought the Cubs were the biggest losers in this town? Wrong!

It’s hard to believe, but at one point Chicago were a fairly well-respected rock band. Then Peter Cetera joined, and they jettisoned any remaining street cred in favor of soft-rock ballads your grandmother would deem harmless. In this, their most egregious offense, Cetera’s gratingly affected and overmodulated vocals float over 1984 standard-issue electric piano, and a nation of greasy, awkward seventh graders slow-danced for the very first time.

Worst Moment That power-rock drum fill before the second verse, apparently designed to mollify hatas who thought the band had lost its edge.

17
HAMMER
“Pumps and a Bump” 1994
Next stop: bankruptcy court!

It takes a special kind of awful to destroy a career. This song is that kind of awful. Four years after winning our hearts with his Rick James samples, deft footwork and baggy pants, Hammer (né MC Hammer) took an ill-advised stab at gangsta rap. Over third-rate Dre beats and high-pitched synth samples, the former Saturday-morning cartoon star freestyled about his love of women with gigantic asses. Soon after it nosedived off the charts, Hammer gave up chubby-chasing and devoted his life to Jesus.

Worst Moment The line “You wiggity-wiggity wack if you ain’t got biggity back” must have been found on Sir Mix-a-Lot’s cutting-room floor.

16
4 NON BLONDES
“What’s Up?” 1993

To grunge what “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” was to the Woodstock Generation Whenever a new genre comes along, one thing is guaranteed: Sooner or later someone will reduce its values to platitudes, then set them to music so trite you could use it to sell soft drinks. “What’s Up?” stapled grunge angst to the AOR that grunge was supposed to stamp out, then added the remarkable vocals of Linda Perry, a woman so tormented by what she referred to as her “lahf” — which she had apparently spent trying to climb that “heeyuhl of howp” — that she had invented her own accent.

Worst Moment The first chorus, in which Perry unleashes the one thing ’90s rock had lacked to that point: yodeling.

15
THE REMBRANDTS
“I’ll Be There For You” 1995
With friends like these…

Like a support group crammed into a pop ditty, this theme song–turned–radio hit is crushingly sunny, cheaply “empathetic” and unsparingly upbeat. The Beatles-adoring duo harmonize about romantic travails, dead-end jobs and the overwhelming power of — you guessed it — friendship. The only way it could be more irritating is if they repeated “Turn that frown upside down” for three minutes and 10 seconds. It is a powerfully appropriate theme, as it’s impossible to hear a note and not think of Rachel’s haircut, Chandler’s grin, Ross’s whimper.

Worst Moment Four handclaps punctuate the song’s first line, all mimed peppiness and overprescribed Prozac.

14
BETTE MIDLER
“From a Distance” 1990
Satanic ballad depicts the Lord as neglectful oaf

Ignoring an entire century of existentialism and science that declared God dead, bawdy bathhouse babe Bette Midler keeps a straight face throughout liberal homilies, stiff rhymes and more sound F/X than a Mel Gibson movie. Sure, war and famine suck, but Midler assures us that “God is watching us, from a distance.” In other words, the Almighty is some kind of heavenly grandfather, loving and caring, but too doddering and distracted to really get involved. Thanks, God!

Worst Moment The drum machine. If God exists, He probably hates drum machines.

13
GENESIS
“Illegal Alien” 1983
Did nobody ever suggest that this song might be considered a teensy bit…offensive?

The ’80s was the decade when rock superstars like Genesis discovered their social conscience. What better way to draw attention to the plight of illegal Hispanic immigrant workers than by adopting a Speedy Gonzales accent and singing a jaunty AOR track depicting Mexicans as freeloading degenerates? Perhaps fearing that the song’s subtle ethnic humor might be missed by some listeners, Phil Collins sported a Zapata mustache and a sombrero in the video.

Worst Moment The middle eight, featuring hilariously accented shouting of the arriba! and eh, greeengo! variety.

12
THE BEACH BOYS
“Kokomo” 1988
They might as well have just pissed in Brian’s sandbox

The Boys’ Cocktail soundtrack single was their first number 1 since “Good Vibrations” 18 years earlier. But chart position is all the songs have in common. “Good Vibrations” is a glorious slice of Brian Wilson–penned pop perfection; “Kokomo” is a gloopy mess of faux-Carribean musical stylings cowritten by Mike Love. It’s all anodyne harmonizing and forced rhymes (“To Martinique, that Montserrat mystique!”) that would have driven Brian totally nuts had he not been totally nuts already.

Worst Moment The most diabolical rhyme is saved for, um, first: “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take ya!”

11
CLAY AIKEN
“Invisible” 2003
Bad haircut. Worse song!

It’s not just the schmaltzy play for loser pity (“If I was invisible — wait, I already am”). It’s not just the ridiculously purple lyrics. And it’s not just the thought of Aiken’s eternally asymmetrical porcupine ’do quivering as he soars into a high note. It’s the whole hey-girl-I-want-to-watch-you-while-you-think-you’re-alone-in-your-bedroom thing that transforms this song from a merely mediocre ballad to a disturbing voyeur fantasy, filling your head with images of Aiken downloading porn and thinking bad things about that girl from homeroom. What lurks in the hearts of lonely geeks? Clay Aiken knows, and it’s not pretty.

Worst Moment “I wish you could touch me with the colors of your life.”

10
PAUL McCARTNEY AND STEVIE WONDER
“Ebony and Ivory” 1982
Racial-harmony dreck

See, it’s a metaphor: “Side by side on my piano/Keyboard/Oh, Lord/Why don’t we?” McCartney and Wonder want the races to get along as peacefully as the white and black keys on a piano — which seems unlikely, since the white keys didn’t enslave the black keys for hundreds of years. The anguished idealism inspired a Saturday Night Live duet between Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo: “I am dark and you are light/You are blind as a bat and I have sight.”

Worst Moment The repeated chorus at the end — where the song gets even chirpier.

9
MADONNA
“American Life” 2003
Desperately seeking…contemporary relevance

On which Madonna updates the “Material Girl”–era satire of commercialism and spiritual emptiness — but this time, she does it with what is hands-down the most embarrassing rap ever recorded. Nervous and choppy, she makes Debbie Harry sound as smooth as Jay-Z. The only thing worse than shouting “soy latte”? Rhyming it with “double shot-ay.” The rhymes don’t kick in for a full three minutes, but the song — propelled by a constipated digital beat and some bungled musings on celebrity culture — stinks the whole way through.

Worst Moment After rapping, Madonna sings, “Nothing is what it seeeems” in a manner drained of all profundity.

8
EDDIE MURPHY
“Party All the Time” 1985
Beverly Hills Cop commits felony pop

Now, it might seem like a cruel satire: Leather-suited comedian teams up with Jheri-curled Superfreak to craft hit record. But no — in 1985, Eddie Murphy and Rick James really did get to number 2 with this catatonic checklist of funk clichés: the witlessly parping synthesizers, electro-totalitarian drums that are practically ready to invade Poland on their own, production mimicking karaoke night in an abandoned pet-food factory and…falsetto singing!

Worst Moment James oozes, “She-likes-to-paaarty — all — the — tiiiime,” leaving us in no doubt about what kind of “party” he has in mind. Relax, ladies: He was on crack.

7
BOBBY McFERRIN
“Don’t Worry Be Happy” 1988
Oh, great — a bumper sticker set to music

Just as there are few things more depressing than being told to cheer up, it’s difficult to think of a song more likely to plunge you into suicidal despondency than this. The finger-clicking rhythm, the Sesame Street backing and McFerrin’s various accents — all different, all patronizing — are an object lesson in trying too hard. The lyrics are appalling, too: If your landlord is indeed threatening you with legal action, you should not under any circumstances follow McFerrin’s advice, which seems to involve chuckling at him and saying “Look at me, I’m ’appy” in a comical Jamaican voice.

Worst Moment The whole wretched thing.

6
HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS
“The Heart Of Rock & Roll” 1984
A celebration of rock music …by a band seemingly intent on destroying it

Less a song than a craven attempt to curry favor from drunken arena crowds trained to roar on cue when they hear their city’s name mentioned. Coming off more like one of your dad’s golf buddies than a rock star, Lewis rattles off a list of American cities in a monotone so bland that subbing in “Bakersfield” for “San Antone” would drive the fans wild, and hopefully distract them from the fact that the bar band–caliber music suuuuucked.

Worst Moment The second verse, when that cheeky Huey almost uses the word ass. Ah, 1984 — such a simple time.

5
VANILLA ICE
“Ice Ice Baby” 1990
When hip-hop stopped being the “black CNN”

Making fellow early-’90s pop-rap pioneer MC Hammer look cutting-edge by comparison, the chart-topping “Ice Ice Baby” was mindless white rap for mindless white people, set to the plodding bass line from Queen’s “Under Pressure” for easy move-busting. Lyrically, the Iceman recounts a trip to Palm Beach, where he is forced to reach for his “nine” by some moody dope fiends. It later emerged that this nice suburban boy fabricated his tough past and would probably soil himself at the sight of a real gun.

Worst Moment “To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal/Light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle.” None of this was remotely true.

4
LIMPBIZKIT
“Rollin’” 2000
In which nü-metal veers from disaffected rage to “Will this do?”

Sounding like a middle-aged man trying to fight his way out of his son’s frat party using only random words of youth slang and an unconvincingly gruff tone of voice, Fred Durst dictates a light aerobic workout (“Hands up, now hands down.…Breathe in, now breathe out”) against a background of histrionic metal noise. The song is meaningless and embarrassing in equal measure.

Worst Moment Being addressed as both “partner” and “baby” in Durst’s drawling intro, shortly before being told, bafflingly, “You know what time it is.”

3
WANG CHUNG
“Everybody Have Fun Tonight” 1986
If this song was a party, you’d lock yourself in the bathroom and cry

Initially called Huang Chung, but in no way Chinese, London-based funk tools Wang Chung changed their name to make it easier for whitey to pronounce, thus patronizing Asia and Europe in one stroke. Musically one of history’s least convivial party songs, “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” was both lyrically preposterous (“On the edge of oblivion/All the world is Babylon”) and sung by Jack Hues as though he would turn to sulphur at the very thought of “fun.”

Worst Moment That chorus: “Everybody have fun tonight/Everybody Wang Chung tonight.”

2
BILLY RAY CYRUS
“Achy Breaky Heart” 1992
At least the haircut never caught on. Oh, wait…

Country, but not as we know it. Written by Vietnam vet Don “Pickle Puss” Von Tress in the style of a brain-dead “Blue Suede Shoes,” “Achy Breaky Heart” represented every prejudice non-believers have about country: It was trite, it was inane, it was big in trailer parks and it was thoroughly enjoyed by the obese. Strangely, it was covered by Bruce Springsteen, with slightly less irony than you might imagine; still, this does not make it good.

Worst Moment An instrumental break that single-handedly rejuvenated the line-dancing fad.

1
STARSHIP
“We Built This City” 1985
The truly horrible sound of a band taking the corporate dollar while sneering at those who take the corporate dollar

The lyrics of “We Built This City” appear to restate the importance of the band once known as Jefferson Airplane within San Francisco’s ’60s rock scene. Not so, says former leader Grace Slick, who by 1985 had handed her band to singer Mickey Thomas and a shadowy team of outside songwriters.

“Everybody thought we were talking about San Francisco. We weren’t,” Slick says. “It was written by an Englishman, Bernie Taupin, about Los Angeles in the early ’70s. Nobody was telling the truth!”

Certainly not Starship, who spend the song carrying on as if they invented rock & roll rebellion, while churning out music that encapsulates all that was wrong with rock in the ’80s: Sexless and corporate, it sounds less like a song than something built in a lab by a team of record-company executives.

The result was so awful that years afterward, it seems to bring on a personality disorder in the woman who sang it. “This is not me,” Slick remarks when reminded of the 1985 chart-topper. “Now you’re an actor. It’s the same as Meryl Streep playing Joan of Arc.”

Worst Moment “Who cares, they’re always changing corporation names,” sneers Slick — whose band had changed its name three times.

Fem stjerners CD-spiller

Direktør Ashley James i det respekterte hfi-firmaetAVI er ikke nådig i sin dom over svindyre CD-spillere som fortsatt er på markedet - på tross av at harddisker og og MP3-spillere nå ser ut til å overta rollen som musikkformidler for folk flest.

”Jeg kan nevne minst seks CD-spillere som har fått topp anmeldelser med fem stjerner og alt tøvesnakket som følger av slikt. Disse låter markant verre enn iPod”, sier James til det britiske nettstedet tech.co.uk.

CD-spillere til mange titusener av kroner (noen helt opp i hundretusenkronesklassen) finnes fortsatt i butikkene, og kjøpes av hi-fi-entusiastene. I følge James kan de altså nøye seg med en iPod nano til litt over tusenlappen.

AVI-sjefens uttalelser har ikke overraskende vakt diskusjon blant lydfrikere på nettet. Mange mener at han bare sier dette for å markedsføre sine egne produkter, som blant annet omfatter dyre CD-spillere.

Når folk kommer inn i butikken og kobler sin iPod til en AVI-forsterker, vil de straks merke forskjellen når en av AVIs topp CD-spillere blir koblet på, hevdes det. Det er nettopp denne «bakoversveisen» AVI-sjefen vil oppnå ved å snakke stygt om den gode, gamle CD-spilleren, mener flere innsendere.

Fruene på Capitol Hill

Vi skulle nesten tro at det var en uttalelse fra en Iran`s presteskap, eller i det minste noen som har en fundamentalistisk muslimsk bakgrunn. Men nei da, det er bare Major Minority som er ute og rasler med sablene igjen!

Major Minority er en gruppe mennesker fra U.S.A. hvor det erkekonservative aspekt er en høyt verdsatt verdi. En annen fellesnevner er at denne gruppen stort sett er krekselig rike, og ikke minst det er et nettverk med mye makt. Kvinneandelen er også høy, og de er gift med diverse maktmennesker. Noen kaller denne gjengen for ”Fruene På Capitol Hill”.

Av en eller annen grunn så har disse sett seg ut rock som et fenomen som er gjennom ondt og destruktivt. Dette avler diverse til dels absurde, men også artige konspirasjonsteorier. Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Judas Priest , Eagles med flere lager musikk som spilt bakvendt er satanistisk og oppfordrer blant annet til selvmord! Juda Priest ble frikjent fordi de kunne bevise at det faktisk er mulig å høre samme budskap i religiøs musikk bare man går inn for det.

Psykologene Don Read og John Vokey kom også frem til samme kjennelse. Får folk høre musikk baklengs uten noen forutgående forklaring vil under 10 % oppfatte et budskap. Får de derimot beskjed om å lytte etter en bestemt frase, var det plutselig opp mot 90 % som hørte den. Vi kan vel trygt slå fast at vi lar oss påvirke av diverse føringer, og forutinntatte holdninger.

Nå må det jo tillegges at noen gjør sitt for å skape et mystifiserende røykteppe. For eksempel er visstnok bygningen på coveret til Eagles ”Hotell California” satanistenes kirke i San Francisco. Iron Maidens mørke tekster er jo i samme kategori. Ellers så uttaler representanter for Judas Priest at det å oppfordre til å ta livet av seg er elendig markedsføring. Det er jo bedre med en tekst hvor ”kjøp musikken til Judas Priest” kommer frem når den spilles baklengs.

SVADA

FRA

CAPITOL HILL

”Fruene På Capitol Hill” har også sine klare meninger om musikk cover. De skal alle helst være hvite, og bare rene faktaopplysninger skal det være plass til. Huffda, da må vi jo glemme å fornye vår side COVER ART, og kanskje til og med få en saftig bot for å ha slik styggdom. I tillegg vil jo gatene flomme over av arbeidsløs eks coverdesignere. Ja skrekkscenarioene er mange og til dels hysterisk morsomme, men vi har definitivt ikke hørt siste ord fra disse fruene. Med mindre…. det for eksempel blir inn med veldedighetsarbeid til inntekt for katter med Torettes Syndrom.

Focus

Den Amsterdam-baserte musikkstudenten Thijs Van Leer (keyboards/fløyte/vokal) hadde allerede i 1969 jobbet i mange år som proffmusiker for diverse nederlandske stjerner av større eller mindre berømmelse. Sammen med Hans Cleuver (trommer), Martin Dresden (bassgitar) og Jan Akkerman (gitar) startet han i slutten av samme år, Focus. Deres første oppdrag var å være husband for en nederlandsk oppsetning av hippiemusikalen Hair, men de klarte i 1970 å skaffe seg en platekontrakt med Sire Records. Debutalbumet In And Out Of Focus, var et stilsikkert album som elegant vekslet mellom Akkermans syngende gitarlinjer, Van Leers fløyte og orgel i låter som slektet like mye på moderne jazzrock som progressiv rock. De var i all hovedsak instrumentale og hadde jazzens element av improvisasjon i seg, samtidig som de klarte å fremstå som et progband uten de aller mest pompøse faktene og lyriske pretensjonene. Singelen House Of The King oppnådde også en viss suksess utover i Europa. I 1971 ble rytmeseksjonen erstattet med Pierre Van Der Linden på trommer og Cyril Havermans på bassgitar, og bandet spilte inn den mer ambisiøse Moving Waves. Dette albumet er i manges øyne, bandets definitive øyeblikk. Det inneholder to av bandets mest kjente låter i form av den over 22 minutter lange, multiseksjonelle suite Eruption og hitsingelen Hocus Pocus, som gjør seg bemerket med Van Leers imponerende jodling!

Til tross for at bandet var i all hovedsak instrumentalt og kom fra den marginale musikknasjonen Nederland, klarte Akkermans og Van Leers blanding av klassisk påvirkning, innovativ rock, jazzimprovisasjon og nynnbare melodier, å skape en karriere som virkelig tok av. Med den nye bassisten Bert Ruiter ombord, startet en periode med enormt mye internasjonal turnering, og de fikk snart rykte på seg for å være et formidabelt liveband. I tidlig 1973 fikk de en stor hit med det vellykkede dobbeltalbumet Focus III og singelen Sylvia, en vakker og medrivende rockelåt. Samtidig ble de to første skivene gjenutgitt, og begge fikk høye listeplasseringer i både USA og Storbritannia.

Men den hektiske turneringen hadde en skyggeside, nemlig dårlig tid til andre oppgaver, og bandet gikk etterhvert tom for inspirasjon. Da de ikke klarte å komme opp med et nytt studioalbum, måtte livealbumet Focus At The Rainbow presses ut på markedet i 1973 for å holde navnet varmt. Men bandet klarte ikke å opprettholde kvaliteten på utgivelsene sine, og 1974 utgivelsen Hamburger Concerto var skuffende og langdryg affære som bare gjentok gamle formler.

På det neste albumet, Mother Focus fra 1975, prøvde de å bevege seg mot et lettere, mer jazzpåvirket sound, noe som på ingen som helst maktet å skjule at bandet ikke maktet å komme opp med mer materiale av den tidligere kvaliteten. Akkerman var nå lei og desillusjonert, og sluttet nå i bandet for å ivareta en solokarriere. Men Van Leer ville ikke gi seg, og han engasjerte jazz-rock gitaristen Philip Catherine og trommeslageren Steve Smith (etter hvert kjent fra Journey), men denne besetningen skulle bare gi ut et album, det mildt sagt bisarre Focus Con Proby fra 1978, der de samarbeidet med vokalisten PJ Proby, mest av alt kjent for å ha opptrådt med revnede bukser på nederlandsk TV. Dette markerte slutten på bandet, og det skjedde ikke noe med bandet før Focus III-besetningen ble gjenforent for en enkeltstående opptreden på nederlandsk TV I 1990. På slutten av nittitallet startet Van Leer opp Focus igjen, men denne gangen bare med nye, unge musikere og et sound som ligger skremmende tett opptil anonym fusion.

Moving Waves

Gjennombruddsalbumet der de elegant klarer å veksle mellom det rockete, det folkelige og det ambisiøse

III

Et variert, men stilsikkert album som er innom alt fra rockete låter til nesten jazzaktige utblåsninger.

At The Rainbow

First Band From Outer Space

Impressionable Sounds Of The Subsonic

The only thing a reviewer can really ask for in successive releases from a band is that a) the band continue to do right what it had done right earlier; and b) the band advance in its musicality, if possible (i.e., progress), or at least find a way to keep its music vital, fresh, and enthusiastic. I’m glad to acknowledge that the First Band from Outer Space (FBfOS) has scored highly on all counts with Impressionable Sounds of the Subsonic.

Exactly what I loved about FBfOS on its third CD (We’re Only In It For The Spacerock), I love about the band this time out. FBfOS (still featuring Gothenburgers “StarfighterCarl” on drums, vocals, and percussion; “JohanFromSpace” on guitars, synths, and vocals; “SpaceAceFrippe” on bass guitar, synths, vocals, and percussion; and Moonbeam Josue on flutes and vocals) grooves with big, fat, thick, tangy, riffy rocka-rolla. At times I’d swear the band channels Hawkwind, Blue Oyster Cult, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Steppenwolf, Led Zeppelin, MC5, Iron Butterfly, etc. ad infinitum: all that sweaty proto-metal stuff your parents detested. But then, they trip you with some Floydian, T. Dreamian. Gongian reverb-laced sonic plasma that melts your mind and shows you bliss! Well, actually, it’s not quite THAT trippy, but it’s pretty trippy. Plus, as before, I think FBfOS has the absolute perfect blend of guitar swagger, rhythm-section, propulsion, cosmic cocksureness, and psychedelic freakiness. Somehow it all jibes really well. Maybe it shouldn’t, since by description alone this could be nothing but a dinosaur romp through boring, hackneyed, convention-laden quagmires. But, but, but…it’s all sterling.

(Let me say quickly that the band has a bit of help on Impressionable, in the guise of “SpaceBeardEmil” on percussion; “AstroRille” on vocals; and “ErkiOnMars” on spaceorgan.)

Highlights? Uttan att veta which is blisteringly haunting cross between Ozric Tentacles and old-school Tull. (The use of flute on this track and throughout Impressionable is classic.) I like the bouncy, punky interlude in the middle and the generous guitar assaults, all lavished with swirly, galactic synth trills. The title track is space-rock nirvana, one-part lysergic journey and one part melodic dirge. It showcases the band’s ability to handle a sweet, emotive ballad without affectation and coyness. (I got off on the space odyssey lyrics: Major Tom meets Space: 1999.) My favourite is To Be Seen As The Underdog, which is a powerfully encouraging tune about individualism, inner fortitude, and self-respect that employs an acoustic, T. Rex-style delivery (congas included). But honestly: There isn’t much here to dislike. It’s all energized, provocative, and heady.

I listen to this CD as I walk to the bus station in the morning on my way to my daily drudgery: It fires me up nicely. As always with Record Heaven releases, I have nothing but praise for this disk. There must be something in that Scandinavian water because the progressive rock out of those wintery climes is consistently great. I prefer this release to We’re Only In It For The Spacerock because the melodies and lyrics are more compelling and the power-chord hooks and rapid-fire riffs don’t let go.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Would I feel cheated had I bought this CD? No, this is terrific stuff. Would I recommend that you buy this CD? Maybe, but only if you really dig that late 60s - early 70s blend of psychedelic unpredictability and amped-up Marshall stack bomb blasts. Would I recommend that you hear this CD via begging, borrowing, or stealing? Definitely. FBfOS is getting exceptionally proficient at its game and the sheer complexity and atmospheric shimmer of Impressionable make it a worthwhile listen. But also: it just kicks ass.

Tracklist: Novaja Zemelja (8:22), Utan At Veta” (8:01), Mean Spacemachine (5:52), Impressionable Sounds Of The Subsonic (10:07), To Be Seen As The Underdog (5:36), Grona Hander (13:32), Todo Pasara (9:45), Mission Completed (7:14)

Forgotten Suns

Forgotten Suns are in their studio writing the 3rd record after the release of Fiction Edge and Snooze.

Meanwhile an invitation from their progressive friends Miosótis to share the stage of Santiago Alquimista gave them the interesting opportunity to introduce the two most recent members: keyboardist Miguel Valadares and bass player Nuno Correia.

The band will then return to studio to continue the writing process and pre-production:

Flamborough Head

Named for a cliff in England, Flambrough Head began when Edo Spanninga (keyboards) recruited twins Frans Wolf (keyboards) and Wiebe Wolf (guitar). They began playing as a trio, but eventually recruited drummer Koen Roozen. Roozen also knew a bassist named Marcel Derix whom he brought on board with him. After a year of this lineup doing instrumental progressive rock, Siebe Rein Schaaf signed on as a vocalist/keyboardist. After a time, the Wolf twins departed the group. The two were replaced by one man, Andre Cents, on guitar. The group eventually recorded a demo entitled Legend of the Old Man Tree. Their first real album was released in 1998 and called Unspoken Whisper. Schaaf left the band in the year 2000, being replaced by Margriet Boomsma. Schaaf was followed shortly by Cents, who left during the recording of the follow-up album, Defining the Legacy. The group found their new guitarist in the person of Eddie Mulder.

Flower Kings

They are regarded by many as one of the leading, if not THE leading, progressive rock outfit of the new millennium. The Flower Kings are led by progrock icon, guitarist, vocalist, composer, producer Roine Stolt into a world of unlimited musical fantasy and flair. Playing it's first ever live date in August 1994 as a result of the interest in Stolt's solo album "The Flower King", the band quickly became somewhat of a phenomenon in the progressive rock community for everyone that once loved bands like Pink Floyd, Genesis, Zappa, UK, Utopia, Yes, ELP, King Crimson or Focus.

The band quickly finished the first proper band recording "Back In The World Of Adventures" released 1995 on it's own label "Foxtrot Records" and played shorter tours in Europe the same year, the ball started rolling...just a bit. Building on the success of albums like "Retropolis" & the already classic double CD's "Stardust We Are" and "Flower Power" they toured Europe, Japan & South America and started to build a worldwide following.

Successful tours resulted in the recording of the live album, "Alive On Planet Earth", which was compiled from shows in both the USA and Japan -98 & -99.

It shows the essence of the textural and emotional offering that is now the trademark of The Flower Kings and shows that this is a band that probably has as much in common with Mozart, Debussy, Andrew Lloyd Webber or Miles Davis as with Pink Floyd, Beatles, Bowie or Yes. There is always an element of soulfulness and drama and the richness of moods and inventiveness has to be heard to be believed. Flower Kings signed to German label in 1999.

Roine Stolt is keeping himself busy with numerous sideprojects around the world like TransAtlantic (alongside Mike Portnoy, Neal Morse & Pete Trewavas), plus the reunion of Swedish progrockers KAIPA, his 70's band, Another one is he new highly acclaimed "Tangent" CD featuring Van Der Graaf Generator saxman David Jackson and the obscure "Flying Food Circus" project.

With the albums "Space Revolver" 2000 and "The Rainmaker" released in September 2001 The Flower Kings sound shifted to a more accessible level but maintains all the elements that have established this band as one of those most colourful exponents of progressive rock in the world today.

In November 2002 Flower Kings released yet another astonishing and adventurous musical statement : "Unfold The Future". A double CD containing everything from classic symphonic rock in pure 70's fashion ( read Yes, Crimson, ELP, Genesis) to weird Zappaesque or Miles Davis like early 70's fusion, there's even the odd pop song.

Flower Kings are no simple copycats that merely try to relive the glorious 70's, they rather fuse their sound with a remarkable knowledge of their past but still containing elements contemporary music and of all music history, still looking into the future, always ready to point out new directions and new possibilities, where to take progrock next, always ready to take risks !!! With this comes of course a healthy portion of criticism from the more conservative progfan or prog metal lovers, but Flower Kings still go the way they find most fruitful and rewarding and taylored to stand the test of time, may it be pop or experiment.

Not unlike bands like, Phish or Greatful Dead, by incorporating jamming and new twists to every show Flower Kings have built a devoted fanbase of "Flowerheads"that follow them all over the globe, Europe, USA, Japan, Canada, South America. There even seem to be an element of what is "more than music" a way of life that resound the positive music and thoughtful lyrics. Depending more on the soulful elements Flower Kings have left audiences raving for weeks about what seemed to be a highlight of their concertgoing life, EVER !!!

With a relatively fresh rhythm section of Hungarian prodigy Zoltan Csorsz and bass madman Jonas Reingold and also presenting labelmates "Pain Of Salvation's " Daniel Gildenlow as a keys, guitar, percussion and vocal sideman together with frontline; leadsinger / guitarist Roine Stolt, keyboardist Tomas Bodin and guitarist /leadsinger Hasse Fröberg they did all embark on the initial leg of a European tour in Nov 2002. Since then they have all continued to florish and blossom in the most spectacular ways, doing another USA tour in June 2003, playing a memorable set at the No.1 US progrock festival "Nearfest".

October 2003 saw them embark on the "part 2" of Unfold The Future Tour in conjunction with the release of their first DVD and a Live CD titled "Meet The Flower Kings".

The DVD have done remarkably well for the band and there are already plans for another DVD, focusing on interviews with all bandmembers and live sequences of the non-epic songs.

A new CD, ADAM & EVE is in the finishing stages for release in July 2004, followed by a European tour.

In the meantime everyone in the band keep busy with side projects including a new Tangent CD a new Karmakanic CD "wheel Of Life" and a new project including Roine Stolt and drummer Doane Perry(Jethro Tull), vocalist and bassman Ellis Hall(Tower Of Power/Ray Charles) and keyboardist & LA movie soundtracker Vince DiCola.

A new CD by the group "Swedish Family" led by Tomas Bodin is in the making for release late summer 2004, a record of 70's prog inspired by Swedish folkmusic.

Roine Stolt is also working on 2 new solo projects, a guitar album and a pop/prog album.

Fuge

Fragile Vastness

A Tribute To Life